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  • Writer's pictureMarchelle Wilson

is your strength killing you? 5 things to STOP doing for your own survival.

monday morning coffee


Okay, I get it. "YOU STRONG". The strong black woman monicker has fed the black race for centuries as some sort of badge of honor. However, this superwoman complex, not only attaches unrealistic expectations from everyone, but it is literally KILLING US. When I say US, I am including myself and together we must stop this fragganackle bullsh*t. Got it? Good.

I am not even going to honor this post, with the historical jargon and the countless ways societal norms, systemic oppression and even sexism have yielded us to continue to do EVERYTHING for EVERYONE while NO ONE fills our cups. Today I will highlight five ways to fill your own damn cup.

First things first. STOP and BREATHE. That's it. Nothing more. You would be dismayed at the number of women, who are running on auto pilot without ever the chance, to just breathe. So like you heard me the first time. STOP! Full STOP! Even stop reading this post, and breathe. That might of scared those of you whose identity has become engrained in this melanated magical creature, who can make all things happen with a single look. I got it, but do it anyway. Even superwomen, do not always know what is best for them.


1. Now that you have given yourself permission to breathe or simply obeyed my command, stop believing that your melanated magic is a superhero power that doesn't need to be recharged.

2. STOP calling yourself a STRONG BLACK WOMAN. It sends out the energy that you can do all things and need, nor desire any help, while pointing out your boatload of trauma. You are essentially telling people that you can endure struggle, misery and a whole host of sh*t. Your trauma has caused a leak in the boat, sis, you are slowly drowning. Save yourself.

3. STOP hiding your pain in your strength. People can see it. They can see it in your inability to be vulnerable. The way you never ask for help because you believe you are the only person who can do it right. You believe you will always be disappointed. I get it. You have been disappointed. So have I. That truth, like I said, is not a badge of honor. It should not be accepted as the norm to build a bridge around your pain so vast that it creates a longer journey to who you really are.

4. How about you STOP, letting people get away with doing nothing for you, then blaming them for doing nothing for you. I believe that one was self explanatory.

5. Last but not least, STOP, NOT putting yourself and your needs on the list of priorities. See, this is an act of selfishness and treason to your own emotional well being. You go out into the world giving and giving and eventually you are offering empty cups of soullessness. They have taken it all because you have given it all. Focus on creating at least one self-care act a week. I think next week, I will share a few ways to practice self-care, but for now, simply accept that you no longer have to accept, being strong alone, because trust me, it is killing you and I wan't you to live.

Your melanated magic is a gift to the world.

It should be earned and treated with queen like reverence, by you first.

Now don't throw away the cape you gonna need that sh*t.

It's real out here.

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