monday morning coffee
This idea of fitting into societal norms, at the expense of being who the creator created you to be, is foolish and the cause of many peoples mental anguish.
GIVE IT UP.
Hey thought thinkers. I want to continue sharing my thoughts about self care and some of the ways we give others power over our lives.
Many of us, including myself, have been raised with social norms that no longer and may have never served us. Traditional values passed down from generation to generation without examination may have once served a collective survival, but as we grow and evolve it is important to re-conceptualize what feeds and grows your spirit in a healthy way.
Give yourself permission to BREAK THE CURSE, because honestly, you grown. YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO ACCEPT IT.
I am sure we can all think of millions ways in which our pasts dictate our present and therefore our future, but for now let me share just 5 things you no longer have to accept.
1. White Jesus
For many in the African American community religion is like soul food. It was given to you and while you made the best of it, you never questioned if it was good for you. As a member of the African American community, I was born into seeing white Jesus as the negro soul savior, but it never felt right to me. I was a black girl and just didn't understand why God would want black people to suffer on earth and give them a figure head in the image of their oppressor. When I was old enough, I began to explore for myself, and there it was, in the good book, known to christian followers as the bible, a description of the Messiah that looked nothing like the representative I had been taught to believe died for my sins.
Revelation 1: 14-15
The hairs of his head were white, like white wool, like snow. His eyes were like a flame of fire...his feet were like burnished bronze, refined in a furnace, and his voice was like the roar of many waters.
This revelation allowed me to decide for myself. With the history of racism in America, I understand that traditions passed down from the slave master to the slave needed the slave the see itself as less than in order to control the slave. My own truth is that I am not a slave. My ancestors were ENSLAVED and given this recreation of God and now I choose to believe in a God that is color blind and judges our deeds.
2. Whiteness as Rightness
Directly related to the premise of white Jesus is the notion that whiteness is rightness. Many enslaved Africans were brutally raped. Those rapes birthed a kaleidoscope of colored hues. Those hues were then used by the enslavers to create dissension. This dissension, coupled, with systemic racism forced many black people to believe that in order to survive they would have to assimilate. Many black people began to hate their very blackness. While others saw it as a disadvantage. Some even created dual identities as described in Frantz Fanon’s book Black Skin, White Masks. Then, the desire for integration, fueled in part by the immediate need to close the wealth gap, in many ways, hindered the advancement and economic growth of the black community. Don’t get me wrong, with the harsh conditions of blacks in America, the weight of racism fucks up the mind. Excuse my language, but no other word seemed worthy of the evil inflicted on a race of people for the sole purpose of greed. We no longer have to accept it as normal. My melanated skin, gravity defying hair and cultural magic will no longer be boxed in to protect those who see us as a threat.
3. Struggle as Blackness
In the same vein as the first two doctrines, this idea that in order to be black, one must be willing to struggle , know struggle, live in struggle and see all things from the window of struggle, uh, uh, we can no longer afford to do that. It is true, that to be black in America is synonyms with struggle. However, that struggle is not our cross to bare. It was given to us and I am telling you to give it back. We deserve to live a full life. We deserve to live in color. Pun intended. We deserve luxury of the mind, body, soul and spirit. We deserve the best of everything and every experience. This narrative of poor and uneducated and hustlers are words sullied by hatred because we really are rich in heritage. We are thinkers and creators. We are universal beings, capable of greatness. All we have to do is touch it and it will be so. So please, no longer accept the narrative that your blackness is rooted in pain. They gave that to you. Give it back.
4. Abuse from Family Members and Loved Ones.
Traditional norms that suggest one has to accept and forgive all trespasses against them inflicted by family is by far one of the most mentally traumatizing things a person could inflict on themselves. And then for society at large to sanction this, in the name of obedience and DNA as a form of love makes me question the definition of love. I do believe that love makes sacrifices for the greater good, however, it is imperative to the human psyche to protect its own peace first. I had a friend who was sexually abused by a parent and told by an elder to forgive and forget what that parent had done to them in the name of God. I was flabbergasted. I was more flabbergasted that the elder thought that DNA was enough of a reason to forgive. The parent didn’t have to seek help, or ask for forgiveness? I let my friend know that they could choose to forgive if they wanted to, but forgiveness did not have to attach itself too volunteering for repeated emotional trauma. This idea of blind forgiveness connected to blood is a stain that one will spend the rest of their lives trying to wash off and you don’t have to. You owe it to yourself to surround yourself with healthy love. Set boundaries and decide that you no longer have to accept it.
5. Your past dictates your future.
You are a myriad of experiences that do not have to fit into one box. Do not be boxed in. Each of us lives in our present day based off of our perceptions of past experiences. These perceptions are often riddled in what we have been told about the world and how we perceive what we see. Many people that I know, who have experienced trauma of any kind often wear it like a life jacket and still struggle to keep their heads above water. People carry shame, fear and inadequacy like badges given to them by those who shamed, made them afraid and made them feel inadequate. It is not your cross to bare. Give it back. Make the decision to use it, to fuel what is true. That it tried to break you, but it didn’t. You have survived the darkness so you will most definitely thrive in the light.
One of the things I am very proud of about myself is my ability to not carry other peoples sins committed against me on my shoulders. I will not be responsible for what others have done. It is their shame to carry and I will not be weighed down by it. I also have a strong sense of self that I believe comes from the desire to question everything and see how it serves me. Then depending on the answer, I make adjustments. That is what I want for you. I ultimately want you to give yourself permission to make adjustments.
Sit with yourself and review your life story. Determine what serves you and come up with more things you no longer have to accept and then break the curse.
If you guys would like, I would love to start giving advice. Share your story at email@example.com.
Subject: thoughtful advise
I will share your story anonymously while giving you my love opinion.